Today is the Day!!!

So I had an "epiphany" today. I have always always always been friends with absolutely gorgeous girls, and I have always been some what average. I know I'm a beautiful girl, but my weight has always stopped me from feeling what I know is inside me. I'm constantly looking at guys and saying I bet if I was skinny he would be attracted to me. Plus it's not even just the attractive factor it's that I want to live a long healthy life, and I can't do that if I continue down this path. My biggest problem is my mind. I have such a hard time pushing myself with things get hard. I am truly my own worst enemy. I have to find a way to push myself. I can want it as much as my heart can want it, but it's getting to the finished product that's the problem. I'm 19 years old I'm 5'2 and way currently 155. THAT'S NOT OKAY!!!! Weight loss aside I need to prove to myself that I can stick to something no matter how hard it gets. Even writing this in my head I'm running in circles and into walls worrying that I can't do this... I thrive off instant gratification. The snooze button on my alarm is my best friend, and it's easier to eat an ice cream bar then to go to the gym. This is how I've always been. I've grown up accustomed to things being handed to me. I know the meaning of hard work, but if it can be avoided then by god I'll avoid it. The hardest struggle is the struggle between me and myself. How can I say no to me???
I also have no idea where to start, what to do, what to eat... it's agonizing.
BUT
I'm going to do it this time!!! For me and myself!!! I'm going to start running, and eating better, drinking more water, but above all I'm going to start loving myself for who I am. It will take time...and I'm sure there will be crying involved, but to hell and back I'm going to stick with it.

I'm planning to keep track of it on my blog. Record what I eat, how I exercise and keep pictures up to show how my body is looking.

Here's what I look like now... this picture was just taken a few weeks ok. Not pretty I know....